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concussion

                     

On saturday night i flew off of my bike into the air and landed on my right cheekbone. I was in the east village when it happened. a major site for weekend disasters.  I have a stripe of road burn where i would normally apply blush. 

I lost a lot of parts of my memory for about one hour.

My grandmother died of alzheimer’s disease when i was four.  One time, when i was a baby, she forgot she was holding me and she just let go.  I started to fall to the ground, but my mom saw the whole thing and dove to catch me. Very Superman and Lois Lane.

After the accident, I was so confused in the ambulance. i kept asking for “my mommy.” I never call my mom that, and I never have.  When i was little, i called her mama.  Judy Garland wouldn’t allow her children to call her mommy.  They were to call her mama. But sometimes to piss Judy off, Lorna would call her mommy.  

We have a home movie of my Grandma and my Granddad together on my Grandma’s birthday.  She was deep into her alzheimer’s at that point. very out of it. From behind the camera, my Dad keeps yell-asking, “Can you give me a smile? Gimme a big, fat smile.  Come on! Gimme a big fat smile.”  She just stares at the camera with her party hat on, my Granddad’s arm around her. Unaffected by everything. “Come on, don’t you wanna give me a big fat smile? Give us a big fat smile.  Let me see a big fat smile.”

After he’s asked her a million times, the corners of her mouth start to point downwards to the cake on the table.  Then she says in a deep throaty monotone monster voice:

I DON’T WANT A FAT ONE.

her name was Naomi.

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